Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
