I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
