Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
