just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I woke up under a house in Key West
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