My brain says no but my pants say off.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
