Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
