someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
