maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
