Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
