did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
