Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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