tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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