Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
