So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
