I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
