we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
