Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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