we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
