How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
