my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
