I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
