Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
"it" just moved
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
