You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
