My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
