apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
