Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
