I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
