I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
