THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
