Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
