Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
