My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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