i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
