I think I just saw someone hide a body.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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