dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
