i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
