16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
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