rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
