i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
