tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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