You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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