Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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