Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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