i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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