if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
