I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
