He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
