I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
