11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
well most of my day revolves around power hour
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
