my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
